NOTE: It appears that at least some readers of this piece did not comprehend that it is satire. A spoof. Not serious. Therefore, let us be clear: THIS IS A JOKE, PEOPLE. [eyeroll]
While the National Rifle Association often comes down on the conservative side of social issues, it issued a statement today supporting the rollout of plug-in electric cars across the U.S.
According to a new position paper released this morning, the NRA intends to pursue a mandate requiring electric cars to offer a mobile source for recharging energy-pulse rifles owned by U.S. citizens.
"As Bushmaster semi-automatic rifles become more and more common in properly armed U.S. households," said NRA executive vice-president Wayne LaPierre, "we see electric cars as a wonderful and portable source of new-generation ammunition."
Japan plan with more power
LaPierre pointed to Japanese government plans to require electric cars to offer a power-out feature that could be used to run first-responder equipment during natural disasters or other emergencies.
He suggested that the NRA will throw its considerable political clout behind similar legislation for the U.S.--though, he noted, the energy-flow rates would have to be far higher to permit rapid recharging of even today's energy-pulse weaponry.
"What could be more important to the safety, security, and Second Amendment rights of normal American citizens," LaPierre asked at a Washington, DC, news conference this morning, "than mandating that carmakers must offer the ability to use the stored electric energy owned by our citizens to protect their families from attacks by the government, trespassers, aliens, the mentally ill, zoning boards, and the other criminal elements that are besieging this once-great nation?"
The U.S. Department of Defense is testing emergency applications of stored battery power in plug-in cars as well.
It appears that at least some NRA members are fully behind the association in its support of plug-in electric cars.
2013 Chevrolet Volt - Driven, December 2012Enlarge Photo
"I think of my Volt as a four-wheeled gun," said Chevrolet Volt owner Billy Joe Rutledge, who has owned his range-extended electric car for almost two years now.
"It frees me from the oppression of foreign oil while protecting my God-given right to travel this great nation far and wide."
Rutledge had traveled to Washington in hopes of attending the press event, but citing security concerns, the NRA permitted only its own officers and certified law enforcement personnel to carry handguns, long arms, and semi-automatic weapons into its building.
NRA plus GOHNAD
The NRA will join with the Plug-In Car Marketing Information Coalition (PICMIC), the Geographic Operating Headquarters of the National Association of Dealers (GOHNAD), the Pacific Progressive Plug-In Propagation Proponents (PPPPP), and other advocacy organizations to push for such legislation.
The association's new proposal marks an evolution from last year, when plug-in electric cars and gun rights briefly surfaced in attacks by then-influential right-wing commentator and future presidential candidate Newt Gingrich.
Newt GingrichEnlarge Photo
Asked about Gingrich's critique that a Volt couldn't carry a gun rack last year, NRA member and Volt owner Rutledge responded, "I love Newt, but he got it all wrong."
"Not only can the Volt carry a gun rack, but it's just the type of technology we need to give us perfectly silent weapons that are way more lethal than what we get today."
Gun racks do fit
Volt owner John McDole, a recreational shooter, later took up the Gingrich challenge to heart and carefully crafted a gun rack for his Volt from PVC pipe and bicycle hooks just days after the story broke in the national media.
Automakers contacted by Green Car Reports declined to comment on the NRA's plans to require what's being called a "weapons-out" charging port.
Peter Robertson, a GM spokesperson in the company's Washington, D.C., office of Lobbying, Image Maintenance, and Politics (known as LIMP), twitched noticeably when asked for his thoughts.
"We support the American people," he whimpered.
(Assistance in creating this story was provided by firearms instructor and now-departed High Gear Media colleague Kurt Ernst, author of last year's Chevy Volts And Gun Racks: A Right-Winger's Perspective.)