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Ten Things the 2010 Toyota Prius Will Not Do For You

 
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2010 Toyota Prius

2010 Toyota Prius

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We love innovation here at AllAboutPrius.com. From vehicles that run on wind power to flashy window stickers, we adore the new, the sparkly, the smart, and yes, the dreadfully tacky. So it should come as no surprise that we totally love the mother of the hybrid market, the eco-conscious Prius, and we've done so since its launch many moons ago. And, we're totally ramping up for the introduction of the 2010 Toyota Prius at the 2009 Detroit auto show.

However....

Prius drivers often fit a special "type". None of us would use the word "smug", but we think others have. In fact, some Prius owners seem convinced that their car can do everything--climb every mountain, ford (or Toyota) every stream. And sure, the Prius can do a lot, and the 2010 model is set to do even more, but please people: there are certain things that are beyond this car's powers.

Owners and owners-to-be, here are ten that ought to bring you back to Earth:

1. The 2010 Prius will not clean itself. Just because you have a "clean car" doesn't mean you have a clean car. Or a clean house. Or a clean mind, for that matter--not that we're here to judge. (Just kidding, we're totally here to judge.)

2. The 2010 Prius will not make your half-caf mocha latte with soy. C'mon: half-caf is sooooo 2007.

3. The 2010 Prius will not play hackysack with you, and you know how much you love to play hackysack. Does that make you sad? Maybe you should write about it in your journal.

4. The 2010 Prius will not respond to your fan mail. Surely you have fans--if not your fellow Prius owners, then at least your friends and neighbors who aspire to Prius ownership. Here's hoping you don't succumb to carpal-tunnel while typing all those thank-you notes.

5. The 2010 Prius will not get you tickets to the Vanity Fair Academy Awards after-party. Seriously, Nicole Kidman's botox dealer couldn't get you tickets to the VF party. But maybe you shouldn't feel too bad about that, given the event's douchebag quotient in years past.

6. The 2010 Prius will not turn your mediocre student into a "talented and gifted" child who requires special high schooling and a well-versed au pair who speaks one of those clicking languages. And even if it did, the Prius wouldn't accept your bumper sticker proclaiming it, so why bother?

7. The 2010 Prius will not hold your hair back after that third bottle of pinot grigio, nor will it drive you home from that wine bar in Noe Valley. It probably won't even call you a cab. But we will: "You're a cab!"

8. The 2010 Prius will not call you the next day. Underneath that wedgy exterior beats the nickel metal hydride-fueled heart (or possibly Lithium-ion-fueled heart) of a loner, a rebel.

9. The 2010 Prius will not explain Lost. Dude, no one can explain Lost except the show's most rabid fans, who are clearly too full of themselves to explain anything to plebes like you. How's it feel now, Smuggy McSmuggerton?

10. The 2010 Prius will not make you Paris' BFF. Because Paris has a track record of going for bigger, pinker things. (What? What did you think we meant?)

-- Richard Read

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Comment (1)
  1. "Made me laugh"

    Thanks for the laugh! I think, for the most part, Prius drivers *are* all viewers of Lost!
     
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